At times writing is effortless. Other times nightmarish. But it's always therapeutic.

Hitting below the belt, peeing and men crying.

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This is what happens when a man gets hit in the bollocks. It is painful. But the pain is of a different kind. It is the pain that cuts off a man’s oxygen supply and can instantly kill. Like a highly venomous snake bite. I believe the groin area is the second human heart. Let me explain myself.

When you suffer a kick in this section, be it by boot or ball, you will first bend forward, crumple to the ground, pull your knees to the chest and open your mouth, like a basking lizard or gecko. i.e. not very wide but well open. Your eyes shut and you emit hefty, labored groans. At time screams are heard. This is the same reaction for ALL men.

At that very moment, the pain grows to be heavy, settling like a steel ball in the inside of the scrotum and climbing up and down the groin. It is not sharp like an injection but bulky and won’t ease no matter the rolling. Two things then concurrently happen. You feel the scrotum ascending back into the stomach and you lose breath. Honestly you feel death. I’ve been there and it’s a life menacing question. Observe it now with the World Cup especially since such cases are common in football pitches.

Men understand this pain very well. They will always protect the groin instinctively. Women know the secret too. For you women it’s by look, not feel. But you’re right anyway. That’s why the new teeth condom will need something more creative to dislodge the bollocks-kick as rape deterrent numero uno.

Medically, to give weight to my theory of the scrotum being akin to second heart, you’ll learn that before birth, testicles are located in the abdomen. Eventually the testicles migrate down through the abdomen into the scrotum. But they remain connected to the abdomen by the spermatic cord, which contains many blood vessels and nerves.

Before moving from that spot, I would like appreciate the sheer pleasure of passing delayed pee. You got me right. I’ve always wanted to capture this in words as I feel it’s an intended parcel of God’s design of our bodies. Most of us have passed urine at one time or the other. In many cases however, and for various reasons, we have been forced to do this later than sooner. And so we’ve gotten pressed. Worryingly and uncomfortably so.

At 200 to 300 milliliters of urine, your bladder normally becomes distended. The moment you eventually open it up, you live a pleasure simply invaluable! Think of it when a long distance bus makes a pit stop. The luxury of a bloated bladder releasing can never ever be purchased. It’s God given.

Those few seconds as the liquid gush from inside, streaming down the urethra, well assured that the pee is free on its way out, and finally letting it out, are irreversible divine seconds. It’s leisure, liberty and absolute bliss. When in open fields, I’ll always lift my head, say Aaaaaaaah! Smell the wind like a wild goat and remark the countryside’s beauty as viewed from my point of pee.

Like many other, this was regular in junior school. In case I was pressed, I would draw near the teacher begging okay to go out. As the teacher decides, I would lift my left foot, bend it by the knee and push it onto the right leg, then squeeze and rub. An attempt to shut the urethra door by locking it tight. If allowed, I’ll whiz-kid to the loo, pull the short up one leg, and eat my cake. If the teacher says wait, well, I’ll paint the floor wet.

All this is controlled at the micturation reflex center in the spine. Rhythmic contraction of the bladder walls and relaxation of the internal urethral sphincter present the urge to urinate. Voluntary control exercises the brain’s ability to activate the motor nerve fibers which permits the external urethral sphincter to relax.

Finally, now that the World Cup is here, I’ve seen men cry in public. The same who say or are told that they hardly show tears. Thinking about it, I’ve seen the sense and come up with this theory. Men can and will shed tears in public without fear. It’s OK and acceptable BUT, it has to be for two reasons only. One, their mothers [another day’s topic]and two, shame. Let’s use the absence or presence of victory to explain this shame.

A man will cry when defeated but only when victory was so close but just slipped. Inside himself a man always involuntarily carries the burden of meeting his audience’s expectations. When he is about to satisfy his audience, he is elated. He sees the crown of honour hovering above his head. Suddenly the chance is pulled right under him, e.g. conceding a last minute goal. The man becomes immensely ashamed. Shame covers him like darkness. Dishonor is strong and excites tears. And there you have a tearful expression.

Equally when a man wins he may cry. However, the win has to have seemed totally elusive and the victory solidly fought for. It has to have a ring of the honour of achievement around it. Interestingly, and please note, a man does not cry for that victory per se. No. He cries at the scare of defeat. He cries when he reflects on where he was and the humiliation he would have faced in case he failed. He cries at the profound risk of dishonour.

This then means that men cry for this one reason. SHAME. Be it present shame or shame that almost was.

Hey dear lady, don’t worry. You matter very much to him as well and he will shed a tear for you too, if he hasn’t. Not because of love however, but because you are part of that victory.

Photo credit: GettyImages.


Written by coldturkey

June 24, 2010 at 2:55 PM

Posted in here and there

One Response

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  1. LOL!

    This was hilarious. I loved it 🙂


    June 24, 2010 at 3:55 PM

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